Spira’s Diary: October 12, 2016

Dear Diary,

I know what you’re thinking.  “Where’s Spira?  What is he up to?  Is he thinking about me?”  Well, your old friend Tom is here to assure you that everything is A-OK.  Mission to Mars?  Spira’s on it.  The election?  Don’t worry, I have a plan.  Russia?  Just you wait!  Don’t you worry your pretty little heads.  While you kids have been running around playing Pokemon Go and Amazon Prime, Spira’s been in the basement solving the problems of the world.

First and foremost, I finally got rid of Daniel.  That guy was cramping Spira’s style for years!  I tried to assimilate him to my hegemonic power structure, but he was too darn stubborn to succumb to the brainwashing.  With him out of the way, I’m finally free to do things the Spira Way.  Corporal punishment, frequent scolding and even some low-level waterboarding.  It’s all on the table now and my team loves it!  They respond really well when I threaten their safety and well-being.  Who knew?

Not to get off topic, but have you seen me lately?  Spira’s been hitting the gym.  I might have to buy some new t-shirts to accommodate my expanding deltoids… Whoa!  Time for Spira to get back to work!  The people are eagerly awaiting the chance to savor my presence.

Toodles!

Spira