Dear Diary,
What in the actual heck is happening?! Gino’s is closed. Spira can’t get a haircut. No English Beat shows at Schuba’s this summer. Whose idea was this? Why wasn’t Spira consulted before this virus was released??
The world has changed, my friend, and it’s cramping Spira’s style in a major way. While we are adept at wandering through the occasional desert, my people are not equipped for this “social distancing” that Chairman Pritzker and Grand Chancellor Trump concocted to keep us hemmed in!
Hey Diary, guess what? For the first time ever, Spira did the FaceTime! Whoa!!! I’m serious as a heart attack about this. Spira used to avoid such video appearances. I already know what I look like and so do you. What’s the point?! Well, I’ll tell you what I’ve discovered, young Diary. With the FaceTime, Spira can crack wise and chew the fat with good kids like the Stonemason and Katie during this quarantine. Daniel too, I guess. That punk owes me a picture!
Also, did you hear that Rehana and Ryan are working together again? Without Spira?! What gives? Is this company anti-Semitic? Do they only hire cool, young millennials who know how to do the Tik Tok using their sustainable Bluetooth stereos? I weep for the future.
Anyway, I have a busy weekend planned. Spira’s going to sneak into Wrigley and watch Game 7 on his fresh new iPad Pro! Fletch is coming too. He’s a dog, so it’s OK. Don’t tell JB!
Adios, losers!
Spira