After the war, Spira returned to the United States and settled in Manhattan. Despite many lucrative offers, Spira declined to play first base for the Yankees. His above-average height drew interest from a newly-founded professional basketball team known as the Knickerbockers. Spira’s curiosity got the best of him, and he joined the team. Among many contributions to the game,… Read more →

Few people know that Spira is a connoisseur of fine coffees from around the world. In the late ’30s he acquired a large coffee plantation in Colombia where he commanded an army of 100 local farmers. Spira would roast his own beans and then grind them into a fine powder with his bare hands. One morning, while enjoying his morning… Read more →

To celebrate his landmark 10th birthday, Spira’s friends surprised him and took him bowling. Spira invented, and later patented, the 7-10 split.  The 1930s progressed and, while Spira continued to be a successful businessman, the USA was still mired in economic decay. President Franklin D. Roosevelt sought out the wealthy, young Spira and made him a top economic advisor.  Spira… Read more →

Upon hearing about the stock market crash and ensuing Great Depression, Spira decided to traverse the mighty Pacific Ocean to the United States of America.  He fashioned a sail boat from bamboo and Bondo and set out for the New World.  Along the way, Spira made landfall on Guam, where he taught the locals the art of the drum solo.… Read more →

No one knows the exact details of the origins of Spira. After all, how could one sufficiently explain the genesis of such greatness? Most scholars agree that Spira was born in the region where the Tigris and Euphrates Rivers meet, the area thought to have been the location of the Garden of Eden. Raised by the fiercest of wolves, Spira… Read more →

Many people have attempted to assassinate Spira over the years.  In 2011, the North Koreans took sniper shots at Spira through the windows of the Briefing Room, but Spira was able to dodge the sniper fire with Matrix-like dexterity.  Just to be safe, he hid in the office for 3 months and the North Koreans presumed they had succeeded.  They… Read more →